


A Plea to the Stars

by UnapologeticallyMeatwad



Category: Mario Story | Paper Mario, Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comedy, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Retelling, Weaksauce Villain, redemption arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 17:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20086090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnapologeticallyMeatwad/pseuds/UnapologeticallyMeatwad
Summary: "I mean, flying the castle into space and going into this long monologue about how I did it is really cool, don't get me wrong, Kammy," Bowser frowns. "But it's just so — easy, don't you think?"Bowser can't see Kammy's eyes past those ridiculous specs of hers, but he is positive that her wrinkly Koopa skin shifts about as if she just rolled her eyes. Even Kamek had better manners. "Well Lord Bowser, would it suit your fancy if weinstall more spiked bombs for Mario to throw you into?"Oh the mouth on that hag! You hoist yourself by your own petardonetime and she never lets you move past it. "Listen, those spiked bombs looked really cool when I ordered them for my Dark World lair! How was I supposed to know Mario was strong enough to lift me by the tail and throw me around?"Kammy holds her mean gaze. "That's all well and good but about at the Fire Sea, my lord? Or mayhaps the Sky World! Youinstalled spiked bombs there too!"





	A Plea to the Stars

"_Are you ready to initiate your evil, dastardly plan Lord Bowser?"_

Bowser groans and leans his cheek deeper into his scaley fist, swinging one leg over the other all haughty-like. Stupid Kammy keeps asking him if he's_ ready to initiate his Lord Bowser's evil, dastardly plan_, yet each incident Bowser ignores her — and she actually buys his little act! She honestly thinks he can't hear her, so the old crone stands before his throne (that's made out of Dry Bones by the way, way cool, right?) repeating herself ad infinitum. If only Bowser had a video recorder to capture this priceless moment.

But when it comes down to it — is Bowser ready (for his Lord Bowser's evil, dastardly plan)?

Well, yes… and no. Don't get Bowser wrong, guy's been psyched out all week about this moment but now all of a sudden it seems so — easy. Like, he just waltzed into Star Haven and snagged the Star Rod. No resistance or anything, it was embarrassing. His whole army was waiting outside and though they cheered when Bowser emerged from the temple with the ability to grant any wish he pleases, Bowser was a touch disappointed. Because he _wanted_ to fight, that's how this works. He shows up, good guy offers a valiant fight, Bowser loses, and he tries again.

But nope. Absolute power is absolutely his now.

That is why Bowser's castle is now an underground operation, sitting directly below the prissy totally lameo Peach's Castle. No one has caught tail of it, no one knows what is to come. Bowser doesn't even need to try — it's already done. He snaps his fingers and his castle will throttle Peach's into the sky. People all over the Mushroom Kingdom will feel the tremors and look into the darkening sky to see Bowser's totally gnarly mug etched into the face of the totally gnarly castle flying into space.

Maybe the Toads will even see a flash of red and blue as that dumb Mario falls off the castle and — and — and — dies? Hoo wee. What a scheme, huh?

What a scheme… feels more like cheating is what it is! Like — what if _Mario_ had the power of the Star Rod?! Why… Bowser would surely complain! Because it's not fun fighting a _God._ So what makes it right for Bowser to be a God instead? He's undoubtedly more selfish than that pesky plumber so Mario has even more reason to be all upset about it.

Kammy draws in yet another ragged breath, somehow finding even more hot air to blow out of her saggy gullet. "_Lord Bowser! Are you ready to —_ "

Ugh. This isn't funny anymore. Not even his Peanut Gallery of Koopailings in the back chortle away, like, they're _totally_ forcing their laughter. Not cool. So Bowser roars and swings off the throne, rocking the whole joint upon landing.

"Can it, Kammy!" Bowser shouts, freezing up fast. "Ooh, I like the sound of that. _Can it, Kammy… _gwahahaha, evil minions! Write that down! Uh, anyways, yes, Kammy! I heard you the first time!"

Kammy blushes and fixes those glasses that he's pretty sure she believes softens her face. "Oh, Bowser, you cad! Nyeh heh heh. So funny. But really, Princess Toadstool has begun her banquet and — "

"I know Kammy!" Bowser roars, flames shooting from his nostrils. Ooh, now he's surly, great. Whenever he gets like this, his flamebreath smells like rotten eggs and farts, or some other ill pairing of disgusting odors. Take your pick really. It's so unbearably nasty that no one can take a whiff long enough to identify it for comparison's sake. "Don't you think I can hear those stupid Toads talking about nonsense up there!"

He clasps his hands together and flutters his eyelashes. "_I... I'm just a trainee, sir. So many guests... My heart's been beating like a bass drum ever since this morning…"_ Bowser clutches his heart and shuts his eyes in deep concentration._ "Thump thump thump thump…_ gah, it makes me sick! Who cares? And… and everytime that _Mario_ talks to him, the Toad guy says the same thing! _Thump thump thump thump_! It's so — incessant! Annoying! And stuff… grargh. I'm sick of these dumb Toads, man! Such drama queens."

Kammy stares at him dimly, and it makes Bowser even surlier because that was a _joke_! Jokes are meant to be laughed at! How dare she?

Bowser tutts his tongue and struts past Kammy, ushering for her to follow him. He brings her over to a window that normally outlooks the desolate wasteland that Bowser calls home, or rather, what Bowser calls the big scary deathtrap that should surely claim Mario's life. But today it's just dirt. Bowser throws an arm outside the stone edge and looks to Kammy like he might a coworker at the water cooler.

"Kammy…" Bowser frowns. "I just… I don't know about this scheme."

Kammy frowns, as if she anticipated this, and ya know, that's just plain rude! Very rarely does Bowser act out like this, at least, from his recollections he's pretty sure! He's generally a well put-together guy!

"I mean, flying the castle into space and going into this long monologue about how I did it is really cool, don't get me wrong, Kammy," Bowser says. "But it's just so — easy, don't you think?"

Bowser can't see Kammy's eyes past those ridiculous specs of hers, but he is positive that her wrinkly Koopa skin shifts about as if she just rolled her eyes. Even Kamek had better manners. "Well Lord Bowser, would it suit your fancy if we install more _spiked bombs for Mario to throw you into_?"

Oh the mouth on that hag! You hoist yourself by your own petard _one_ time and she never lets you move past it. "Listen, those spiked bombs looked really cool when I ordered them for my Dark World lair! How was I supposed to know Mario was strong enough to lift me by the tail and throw me around?"

Kammy holds her mean gaze. "That's all well and good but about at the Fire Sea, my lord? Or mayhaps the Sky World! You installed spiked bombs there too!"

Bowser's jaw drops. He tries to come up with some defense, but it all sounds so feeble now, so he lets it lie.

Kammy doesn't let it lie though. She just keeps on railing on the guy. "Or maybe we should put another _giant axe at the end of the bridge_! Or — hey! Hey! I'm not done! — or we can make _a nice little pit out of brick blocks you can butt stomp your way through_!"

"You — " Bowser snorts, briefly pausing to plug his nostrils. " — you mean old hag! No wonder your grandkids don't write to you anymore!"

"You fiend!" Kammy snaps back. "You know for a fact my lord that I don't even have children of my own!"

"Yeah, because you're a mean old ugly hag!" Bowser screams.

Kammy grumbles something and shakes her head, extending a wrinkled hand to the air and signaling for some of the Koopailings to come over. "We are not blowing this operation, I have committed too much of my time to — "

"_Your time_?! _You_ didn't do anything!" Bowser stamps his feet. "_I_ stole the Star Rod and _I_ made the wish that brought us here! And guess what, Kammy! It required no energy on my part, and I — " His eyes catch on something and he forgets what he's talking about. " — is that — oh! My Koopa Clown Kart! You — Kammy! You shouldn't have!"

The Koopailings quietly unload the refurbished kart before Bowser, taking a moment to marvel at the fine shine job they did for it, before scrambling back to their posts. Bowser runs a talon against the metal surface, marveling at his handsome reflection. He fixes his flaming mane, and observes Kammy with some caution. "Seriously, you shouldn't have."

Kammy blushes. "Oh no, I should have and I did. I know you loved this thing, just make sure not to _throw little robots at Mario that he can throw back into the_ — agh, no, let's not fight over this anymore. I just want you to be happy."

Bowser nods and sucks in his teeth. So bizarre. He was just thinking about this thing the other night! Amazing that she was able to figure out exactly what he wanted in such a short period of — hey, wait a second.

"Kammy, you didn't by chance, um, only do this because the Star Rod made you, right?"

Kammy looks at him in dismay, and his heart sinks a bit. Maybe he overstepped, she just did a nice thing for him and already he's accusing her of not actually doing something nice at all.

Kammy reaches under her hat and scratches her head. "Oh, no, I mean — it just sort of came to me in the middle of the night! It was odd, but if you wished for this, my lord, I promise you that I arrived at the idea independently!"

Bowser isn't so sure about that. Kammy is never one to doll out gifts, and it wouldn't shock him if the Star Rod did put ideas into people's heads to make certain wishes come into fruition. But Kammy looks at him so dumbly, as if she can't even fathom not being the one to come up with this idea. But he knows what really happened.

"Okay, um…" Bowser steps forward and slips into the silly cart. "Let's — uh — do this, yeah?"

* * *

**Day:** ✩/✩

**Weather**: Sunny

_Today was great, diary! I used my castle to lift Princess Peach's Castle way _ _up into the sky!_

_Then I barged into Peach's Castle and beat up Mario! Yeah! Unbelievable, I _ _know! So fun! _ _And there's more! After that, I kidnapped Princess Peach! I couldn't be _ _happier, diary! I hope she likes me..._

* * *

It's weird being in charge of the Mushroom Kingdom. Mostly because he's not actually doing anything. He _could_ do something, much to Kammy's urging, but he doesn't. He just sort of chills out up in the sky hanging out. There's definitely some stuff he could do, like instate some high taxes or something. Maybe draft some Toads into the army. Establish a curfew, whatever. Kingly stuff. But nope. None of that. See, Bowser wastes all of his energy freaking out about Mario.

Bowser's not convinced, ya know. No way Mario died from that fall! This whole 2D paper thing doesn't exactly scream "fall damage" to him. Mario's probably alive. Probably sleeping somewhere, resting up to kick Bowser's patooie.

No one knows this, but Bowser easily could have killed Mario in that hallway. The Fire Breath was more than enough to do him in, but he held back. Because killing Mario is no good. Maybe if like — if like Mario actually fought back? — if like Mario set himself up to get thrown into a series of spike bombs or something? Ya know, hoist himself by his own petard Bowser style, but that wasn't the case. Mario didn't stand a chance.

But.

He does now. He's alive and MIA. Somehow, that pesky plumber is going to crack the code. Mario'll figure it all out — he just needs to save the 7 Star Spirits. That'll give him the juice to win.

So one day when Bowser is stress eating in Tayce T.'s kitchen (though he keeps messing up the cake recipe, the recipe calls for the dumb thing to be heated for only thirty seconds in the oven, and that doesn't sound right at all), Kammy confronts him.

"We have a guest, my lord," Kammy says while clutching her dumb cane.

Bowser snorts and stuffs the rock hard cake into his maw and follows her. She brings him to the courtyard where a trio of Goombas wait for him. Two of them are pretty hefty for Goombas, one red, the other blue. The middle one is actually a little shrimpy, and he's yellow with thick white eyebrows.

The Goombas drop a foot and bow before Bowser which feels nice. He _is_ in charge of the Kingdom after all!

"What do you want?" Bowser snarls, trying to act all tough and stuff.

"I'm the Goomba King!" the yellow Goomba boldly decrees. The Red and Blue Goombas nod as if this pipsqueak were the smartest guy around. Bowser has to try really hard to hold in his laughter.

"You're a little small for a King, aren't ya?"

The 'Goomba King' blushes. "No! Well… yeah! I'm small! But I'm the King! And um…"

"Says who?" Bowser leans back on the stone ledge, glancing out at the Mushroom Kingdom miles and miles below them. "Last time I checked the Goombas hadn't established a proper democracy yet!"

The Goomba King steps back, sputtering. "Well — well — I'm King, okay?! Listen, I want your help, Bowser! I know you grant wishes and I need help!"

Bowser checks his nails. A request? For him? Oh _my_. "I don't know, man. Depends on what we're talking about."

"I — I — " the Goomba King pauses and nibbles at his lip. " — I want to be big! If you make me big, the Goombas will listen to me, and — ha — I'll resume my rightful role as King!"

Bowser raises an eyebrow. That's pretty dense logic right there. Like, sure, Bowser's a big guy and maybe it helped him out in becoming King, but that's not all it is. Being a King is about being a good all-around guy who actually wants to make a difference. It's not just about talking, it's about listening too! Ya know?

Who knows. Bowser's not _really_ a King anyways…

"Hey man," Bowser shake his head. "I know where you're coming from, but you can be little and still be King…"

"No!" the Goomba King shouts. "I wanna be big! Make me big!"

Bowser frowns and grabs his jaw. This is so not a good idea, but then he thinks of something. He looks over to Kammy in the corner and sure enough she's got the same glint in her eyes.

Bowser needs an army, someone to protect the Star Spirits from Mario. People to preserve 'order.' So Bowser yanks the Star Rod from his shell and waves it. Stars light up around the Goomba King and steam rises from his body. He grows fast, inflating to a size equal to Bowser; he looks like a giant pear with that sickly skin color. The little white lipfuzz Bowser didn't notice before explodes into a 'stache that looks more like horns.

The Goomba King laughs in a much deeper voice and it hits the air so hard that he physically wobbles from side to side, eyes shooting up and down . A crown materializes in the air and lands on his bald head, and a scheme is hatched.

There's this fort between Goomba Village and Toad Town he can take. There he can maybe intercept Mario and stop him.

"I love it!" the Goomba King cheers. "And with the bridge out, Mario will _never _make it to Toad Town!"

"Yeah, ha ha," Bowser runs a claw through his flaming locks, then thinks of something. "..._never_?"

"Yes! Never! Ho ho!" the Goomba King stamps about. "Amazing! Stupendous! We win! No matter what!"

"No matter what, huh?" Bowser grabs his jaw in deep thought. No chance for Mario… no good. That's not a fair game. Mario needs a chance. Especially when he's fighting God.

"Kammy, would you be a lamb and get me some Koopa Tea?" Bowser asks.

"Ooooh," Kammy grins so wide. "I am a lamb, thank you. Bleh heh heh heh…"

Perfect. While Kammy is gone, Bowser can move forward with his petard hoistin' gambit. He leans in and closes his claws. "Goomba King, you can't tell that hag about what we're up to — but the best way to beat Mario is to have a blue switch that will unfurl your fort into a bridge that leads to Toad Town."

"Hoho! That's rich! That's — that's — wait — wuh?" the Goomba King raises an eyebrow. "That's no plan! That's how we lose, Bowser! Oh dear! No! I will not have it! I will not hear it! I — I — "

The Goomba King stutters at the sight of the wand, which Bowser lazily spins around his fingers.

Heh heh. Sucker.

Bowser leans back and stuffs the Star Rod away. "You will put the switch there, Goomba King, and you will not tell Kammy. If you go back on your word, I will turn you back into that putrid, puny Goomba again, and you will no longer be King!"

"No!" the Goomba King cries out, face scrunching up. Red and Blue Goomba come to his cheeks in a gentle embrace, snot dripping from their weird Goomba noses. "No, I don't — I can't — very well, King Bowser. You have my word."

The Goomba King turns on his heel and makes his grandiose exit. As he passes through the doorway, Kammy slips in, Koopa Tea in hand. She looks at the depressed Goombas and pushes her glasses back up her crooked nose. "Lord Bowser, why are they so glum?"

"Um," Bowser frowns. "He — uh — he's got _father issues,_ yeah. It was really upsetting."

Kammy nods. "Do you want to hear about my father issues, my liege?"

"No," Bowser says curtly, lifting the Koopa Tea from its saucer and injecting a pinkie talon into the air like a proper gentlemen.

"Very well," Kammy says. "Now your Majesty, I know that was a tremendous use of your time but there's more where that came from. Creatures from all over the Mushroom Kingdom have come here to ask you to grant their wishes."

Bowser nearly chokes on his tea. He looks back to down at Kammy. "Are they — um — like bad guy creatures? Or like dumb Toads and stuff?"

"They are bad guy creatures," Kammy affirms. "Though I have issues with your black and white view on morality — "

"Enough of that, Kammy," Bowser swats the air. "Who must I see next?"

"Well," Kammy attempts to straighten her question mark shaped back and fails. She slumps over her cain. "I have four Koopas waiting for you in the library. They tell me they wish to be _cool_."

**Author's Note:**

> I just replayed Paper Mario a few weeks back. I came up with this during the scene when Bowser walks in on the Hammer Bros. Quiz Show that Peach plays in, and he like really just wants to join in and have some fun. Bowser doesn't seem like that bad of a guy, he just needs friends.


End file.
